Texas Waffle

#nap #dog

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 00:56:52 -0400

#nap #dog

I want a dog.

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 00:51:54 -0400

I want a dog.

Take a Dive Chimney Sweep Lounge in Sherman Oaks Hey, are you...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:33:46 -0400

Take a Dive

Chimney Sweep Lounge in Sherman Oaks

Hey, are you ever in Sherman Oaks? Me neither.

The Chimney Sweep shares a parking lot with a dentist, a liquor store and also other shit. You can choose your own adventure!

If you choose the Chimney Sweep they have…

Fire. This shit hole has a fire pit in the middle of the bar. It’s nice.

Carpet.

Pool Tables. If you play pool, I guess.

Smoking area. You know how you’ll be somewhere and you are curious where everyone terrible is? They are in the smoking area. They wear pinky rings.

Cheap alcohol. Chase with Popcorn.

Unattractive clientele.

Go!

Cinematic Justice Caledon Hockley from Titanic I like Billy...

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 10:01:07 -0500

Cinematic Justice

Caledon Hockley from Titanic

I like Billy Zane. He has a very likable turn in Twin Peaks. But, Titanic fucked him. Remember that bullshit where he kidnaps the little girl so that he can get into a lifeboat? Or when he gets violent with the orange juice? The orange juice was innocent and then it’s all over the floor. This character lives in a reality where he thinks that he can do whatever he wants and he is justified in doing it, because he is who he is. When this reality is destroyed he can’t handle it and then he ends it all. Better ending, MAKE HIM LIVE POOR. MAKE HIM EAT SPAM.

Cinematic Justice Shannon Hamilton from Mallrats I will hate Ben...

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 10:01:00 -0500

Cinematic Justice

Shannon Hamilton from Mallrats

I will hate Ben Affleck forever because of his role in this movie, but I don’t think that is a big loss. I heard The Town was really good. Argo won best picture at the Golden Globes. I don’t give a fuck. Ben Affleck is the worst. HAVE YOU SEEN MALLRATS, NERDS! I wonder if he is having sex with that chick from Alias in the back of a Volkswagen ;)

National Film Registry Film Reviews: Slacker The National Film...

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 19:23:38 -0500

National Film Registry Film Reviews: Slacker

The National Film Registry is a selection of films for preservation in the Library of Congress. Each year 25 “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant films” are added for preservation.

This year Richard Linklater’s 1991 film “Slaker” was added to the list. What follows is my review of the iconic film:

Every single landmark in this movie is a Quiznos now.

Cinematic Justice Principal Ed Rooney Leave him alone he is...

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 12:35:08 -0500

Cinematic Justice

Principal Ed Rooney

Leave him alone he is just doing his job. False! His job is to be the principle of the entire school not to police one rogue student. I think that some problems were a bit beyond his depth so he focused on the problem that he could handle – truancy. For Shame! These students were at a difficult stage in their young lives. This was a tipping point that decided their futures. They needed leadership. This twerp might have irreversibly altered hundreds of futures by not being present when he was needed the most. Where is the justice for the young men and women who went on to find meager success when if things had been different they might have landed gigs at Google? Damn you, Principal Rooney.

National Film Registry Film Reviews: The Matrix The National...

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 12:45:34 -0500

National Film Registry Film Reviews: The Matrix

This year the 1999 film “The Matrix” starring Keanu Reeves was added to the list. What follows is my review of the iconic film:

Red Pill! Blue Pill! I have not seen this movie.

Cinematic Justice Biff Tannen from Back to the Future Does this...

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 13:08:38 -0500

Cinematic Justice

Biff Tannen from Back to the Future

Does this asshole know how beloved Michael J. Fox is? BELOVED. He is the voice of Chance from Homeward Bound. If you go up against M.J.F. you are going to lose. Biff tries to date rape his mom. Are you fucking crazy? Hey Biff, no means no! I’d like to see Biff pull that shit in front of Teen Wolf. Biff had a miserable life and he got really ugly when he was old, but it’s not enough. You don’t treat people the way Biff treated people. If you spread fear and anxiety you deserve to reap what you sow. Reap it Biff, Teen Wolf is going to tear you apart!

National Film Registry Film Reviews: Breakfast at Tiffany’s The...

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 13:17:39 -0500

National Film Registry Film Reviews: Breakfast at Tiffany’s

This year the 1961 film “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” staring Audrey Hepburn was added to the list. What follows is my review of the iconic film:

Remember that part at the party where the giant drunk lady falls down and Audrey Hepburn yells “timber!” Also there is a cat in it!

National Film Registry Film Reviews: A Christmas Story The...

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:16:35 -0500

National Film Registry Film Reviews: A Christmas Story

This year the 1983 film “A Christmas Story” was added to the list. What follows is my review of the iconic film:

“Not a finger!”

National Film Registry Film Reviews: A League of Their Own The...

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 14:04:00 -0500

National Film Registry Film Reviews: A League of Their Own

This year the 1992 film “A League of Their Own” starring Geena Davis and Tom Hanks was added to the list. What follows is my review of the iconic film:

Remember that part where Tom Hanks urinates for a really long time and Madonna starts timing him?

garfieldminusgarfield: G-G the book - G-G on Facebook - G-G on...

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 14:00:18 -0500

garfieldminusgarfield:

G-G the book - G-G on Facebook - G-G on Twitter

Take a Dive Robin Hood British Pub Robin Hood British Pub is...

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 00:08:12 -0500

Take a Dive

Robin Hood British Pub

Robin Hood British Pub is conveniently located in Sherman Oaks.

Pub status? This place is a Pub. There are 10 beers on tap and one of them is Guinness, so I guess it counts. They have a British bartender that will do things like call you “love.” I know that seems awful, but it’s endearing.

Food? They serve food which I have been too ashamed to order. I’m not afraid of the food, because I fear no food. It’s just that a wave of shame hits me before I can form the words “I’ll take the Friar Tuck Burger, please.”

Décor? Floral pattered carpet and British shit everywhere. Would you like to learn more about the Royal Family while you wait in line for the bathroom? Good news, there is no line to bathroom because no one is ever here and they have the whole family tree for the House of Windsor.

Over All? I don’t go here for a good time, but for a means of passing time. THEY HAVE A LATE NIGHT HAPPY HOUR. DRINKS. DRUNKS. TELEVISION SETS.

fuckedupsundays: Garfield Minus Garfield Plus Bill Murray (Do I...

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 22:28:02 -0500

fuckedupsundays:

Garfield Minus Garfield Plus Bill Murray (Do I Get a Book Deal Now?)

Best!

Cinematic Justice Siamese Cats from Lady and the Tramp Remember...

Wed, 05 Dec 2012 17:43:06 -0500

Cinematic Justice

Siamese Cats from Lady and the Tramp

Remember these cunts?

There is no doubt in my mind that these vicious creatures were trying to kill that baby. I cannot abide baby killers. These cats have to go. I think that a pair of singing snarky pit bulls could taunt them into some cinematic justice.

Cinematic Justice Buzz from Home Alone What a shitty older...

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 01:41:00 -0500

Cinematic Justice

Buzz from Home Alone

What a shitty older brother. Buzz is such a mean dipshit. I’m glad he is dating such an ugly broad. (Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof!) I hope she guards her puss like a fort. I am also glad that his room got wrecked. HE DOESN’T DESERVE NICE THINGS. He told his little brother horrible stories about the nice neighbor man just to scare him and he doesn’t share. It’s Christmas, Buzz! He is obviously a bully with violent tendencies. This is a case that might best be nipped in the bud. It starts with a BB gun…school shooting.

Gorman, TX Nov. 2012 Hometown Homicide Small towns are dying. No...

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 10:00:00 -0500

Gorman, TX Nov. 2012

Hometown Homicide

Small towns are dying. No new business is coming in and the existing companies are closing up shop or moving out. The young folks are bounding off to greener pastures as fast as their country legs can take them. The bleeding has to stop. Some of you have to move back to your hometowns. You have to move back and help rebuild. I’m not going to do it, but someone should.The stars at night are big and bright.

Cinematic Justice Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s...

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 10:00:51 -0500

Cinematic Justice

Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Some evil burns like hell, but Nurse Ratched is cold as ice. Her eyes are deep pools of hatred. Her knuckles are forever white from clenched, frustrated rage. She is a sociopath, who is as ill as the patients she treats. She needs some of her own medicine, administered anally.

What if Texas Secedes? 1. Will I have to get a passport? 2. Will...

Fri, 16 Nov 2012 13:05:00 -0500

What if Texas Secedes?

1. Will I have to get a passport?

2. Will the passport be made of cowhide?

3. Can I have dual citizenship with the United States?

4. Will the Cowboys and Texans only play each other in sports?

5. Same question for baseball and basketball?

6. Will Hockey be outlawed?

7. Can we drink and drive again?

8. Pony Express?

9. Will Tofu still be sold in stores in Texas?

10. Will I HAVE to carry a gun?

11. Who will protect us from Louisiana?

12. Will we go to war with Mexico?

13. Will we go to war with everyone?

14. Will there be lots of war?

15. Will I be expected to participate???