Texas Waffle

7 Jan

National Film Registry Film Reviews: A Christmas Story

The National Film Registry is a selection of films for preservation in the Library of Congress. Each year 25 “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant films” are added for preservation.

This year the 1983 film “A Christmas Story” was added to the list. What follows is my review of the iconic film:

“Not a finger!”

4 Jan

National Film Registry Film Reviews: A League of Their Own

The National Film Registry is a selection of films for preservation in the Library of Congress. Each year 25 “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant films” are added for preservation.

This year the 1992 film “A League of Their Own” starring Geena Davis and Tom Hanks was added to the list. What follows is my review of the iconic film:

Remember that part where Tom Hanks urinates for a really long time and Madonna starts timing him?

4 Jan

garfieldminusgarfield:

G-G the book - G-G on Facebook - G-G on Twitter

4 Jan

Take a Dive

Robin Hood British Pub

Robin Hood British Pub is conveniently located in Sherman Oaks.

Pub status? This place is a Pub. There are 10 beers on tap and one of them is Guinness, so I guess it counts. They have a British bartender that will do things like call you “love.” I know that seems awful, but it’s endearing.

Food? They serve food which I have been too ashamed to order. I’m not afraid of the food, because I fear no food. It’s just that a wave of shame hits me before I can form the words “I’ll take the Friar Tuck Burger, please.”

Décor? Floral pattered carpet and British shit everywhere. Would you like to learn more about the Royal Family while you wait in line for the bathroom? Good news, there is no line to bathroom because no one is ever here and they have the whole family tree for the House of Windsor.

Over All? I don’t go here for a good time, but for a means of passing time. THEY HAVE A LATE NIGHT HAPPY HOUR. DRINKS. DRUNKS. TELEVISION SETS.

18 Dec

fuckedupsundays:

Garfield Minus Garfield Plus Bill Murray (Do I Get a Book Deal Now?)

Best!

5 Dec

Cinematic Justice

Siamese Cats from Lady and the Tramp

Remember these cunts?

There is no doubt in my mind that these vicious creatures were trying to kill that baby. I cannot abide baby killers. These cats have to go. I think that a pair of singing snarky pit bulls could taunt them into some cinematic justice.

4 Dec

Cinematic Justice

Buzz from Home Alone

What a shitty older brother. Buzz is such a mean dipshit. I’m glad he is dating such an ugly broad. (Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof!) I hope she guards her puss like a fort. I am also glad that his room got wrecked. HE DOESN’T DESERVE NICE THINGS. He told his little brother horrible stories about the nice neighbor man just to scare him and he doesn’t share. It’s Christmas, Buzz! He is obviously a bully with violent tendencies. This is a case that might best be nipped in the bud. It starts with a BB gun…school shooting.

26 Nov

Gorman, TX Nov. 2012

Hometown Homicide

Small towns are dying. No new business is coming in and the existing companies are closing up shop or moving out. The young folks are bounding off to greener pastures as fast as their country legs can take them. The bleeding has to stop. Some of you have to move back to your hometowns. You have to move back and help rebuild. I’m not going to do it, but someone should.The stars at night are big and bright.

19 Nov

Cinematic Justice

Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Some evil burns like hell, but Nurse Ratched is cold as ice. Her eyes are deep pools of hatred. Her knuckles are forever white from clenched, frustrated rage. She is a sociopath, who is as ill as the patients she treats. She needs some of her own medicine, administered anally.